back from my trip

As you know, my brother has stage 4 cancer and so I went to see him and the family last week. The wife was on vacation so I was able to make the trip. It was good to see the whole family and my older brother who I haven’t seen since 2005 was there for a couple of days. My younger brother, the one who is sick, was in the hospital for most of the duration of my trip but me, his wife and their child would visit twice a day. he had to have surgery the week before to remove a blood clot in his artery and they thought they would have to amputate part of his leg but they were able to save it. He’s got a huge wound from where the surgery took place and it’ll take months to heal because he’s a diabetic as well.

I stayed with his wife most of the time, helping out around the house and watching their little girl when she didn’t feel it was appropriate for her to be at the hospital. She’s only 6 and in the short week that I was there, I have grown strangely attached to her which seems odd considering the nature of this blog. When I was talking to my sister-in-law, she told me that her daughter asked her if daddy was going to die and that just broke my heart. A week later, it’s still very difficult to recount that conversation without crying and when I told the wife about it, I just broke down sobbing in the car on the way from the airport. I don’t even hardly know this little girl and I’m having this reaction and she says “You’re a parent”. Oh, the first thing she said to me when I returned was “being a single parent is hard”. Again, I felt like saying “Welcome to my world” like I had told her that the first time she told me she did 4 loads of towels and a bunch of dishes. She didn’t have a response to that comment. Later in the week she told me that the kids missed me and I guess I don’t need to point out the obvious absence of her saying something similar.

I have finished a special album for which all proceeds will go to their family since he’s no longer able to work. I will make a separate post about that soon.

My sister-in-law also had a lumpectomy and so is currently undergoing radiation treatment and when the wife found out that both of them had cancer, one of the first things she said was we could take in their child.

My parents believe that God will heal my brother because he healed my cousin from testicular cancer 40 years ago and though I don’t disparage the religious beliefs of others, they’re comparing apples to oranges in this situation, at least from a medical standpoint, after all my brother’s cancer is in a lot of different places and they recently discovered a legion on his spine as well.

I know that a bit of this is probably repeat so I apologize for that, this is just hard to process and I know I’ll have very emotional days and that the strangest things will probably evoke responses that ordinarily wouldn’t occur.

His wife is more realistic about things but she’s still waiting for her miracle but she’s also worried she won’t have a husband at Christmas.

I told her that if I could have stayed longer, I would have.


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