need some counsel

As I have written previously, I had gotten involved to a degree with an online relationship and it’s a situation where she is more attached than I am and though I am trying to delicately present the situation and the truth, I am having some difficulty with this.

She’s bipolar, or that’s what she tells me and I see evidence of this periodically in our chats, especially when I either can’t talk on the phone or simply don’t want to because I have days when, after the kids are in bed, I don’t want to talk to anyone, and the wife feels the same way, understandably so.

We have some things in common, we’re both musicians and we’re pretty flirty with each other, but honestly, she is way unhappier in her situation and has a lot more time to allow her thoughts to wander into the dark, if that makes any sense.

I honestly was starting to have some feelings for her so it wasn’t dishonest of me to admit that but her insecurities are sometimes just too much to handle, especially lately with other things that have happened.

I don’t know if any of you have any thoughts besides “You were an idiot for doing this in the first place” etc. but perhaps you may have another perspective that I haven’t considered.

Thank you for your thoughts.

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5 thoughts on “need some counsel

  1. on bipolar… with bipolar and how long you have known each other, have you seen the worst? doubtful. while you can deal with depression, since you live it, mania can be a whole other ball of wax. to be open, i have bipolar friends in decades long relationship, so it is possible, with the right people.

    on things in common…this a pretty low bar. you could pick out two people from planet earth and they would find things in common. ask another question: what separates us. that might balance the perspective.

    on insecurities…we all have them. i would imagine you haven’t seen the worst of hers. if the relationship continues, are you strong and willing enough to handle them.

    finally… i’ve following your story long enough to know your marital relationship sucks. i’m sure that’s one thing that had peaked your interest in the “new” woman. are you being fair to your wife with this second relationship? maybe it’s best to cut ties with both relationships and get things right with you to make it a better chance to handle a male/female relationship. you deserve it. (btw, this is hard for me to right since i believe in the sanctity of the martial relationship. i don’t think your marriage has sanctity and i can see it improving.)

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    • well I told the other woman the truth about everything and she took it pretty hard as I figured she would. and no, I’m sure it wasn’t fair to the wife that I had this other relationship, whatever it was. She’s gotten into playing Nintendo games at night after the kids go to bed which is okay. Everyone needs something as a way to relax. I think going to Florida for a week to see my brother will do me some good, to get away from all this.

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      • l honor your for breaking it off. you felt like you something there, however small. it wasn’t enough. letting go is never easy.

        i don’t envy you. what you are going through and the decisions you have to make are not fun or easy. you’re right; a week at your brothers would be good. there, you could clear your head without the ho-hum hum-drum of everyday life which might help you decide what the best path to take, whatever that may be.

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    • sklawlor says:

      I woke up to more messages from her like that she still loves me and that kind of thing.

      When you wrote ‘ I don’t think your marriage has sanctity and I can see it improving” did you mean to say can or can’t. I’d like to be friends with this person but I wonder if this is even possible given everything that’s happened. My sense tells me that it may not be but I don’t know how well I can trust that right now.

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