moving on

I am considering deleting this blog because, though I know how important it is to have an outlet or I’ll just spin apart, and that’s true for anyone, I am wondering if this is the best way for me to do that? We live in a very sad world these days and I feel that my posts don’t particularly do very much, if anything to add positivity to the lives of those of you who have chosen to follow and read the record of my life so-to-speak?

My intention was to try to reach out in the pain that I often feel and hope to find that I’m not alone and that has been accomplished. After reaching out as I look back over the last few years, I wonder if I have just been spinning my wheels in a manner of speaking and I feel that the answer is a resounding yes. So now what? Well, I honestly don’t know and though there are times when I feel that I am on a precipice of some great change, I don’t know what that change is because I am fearful of leaping off into oblivion and I wonder if it’s the fear that is holding me prisoner?

As you will remember, I have gone skydiving a few times and though I felt a sense of trepidation just before making the jump, the truth is that I obviously survived it but this is quite a bit different I suppose.

all I know is that if I were someone else reading this blog, I’d probably want to beat some sense into this person and say “get your shit together and stop moaning about everything, who wants to read that, especially in today’s world, fuck this shit”.

I can’t pretend that I know what goes through the mind of those of you who read and comment but I would guess that after a while of reading, it’s like a broken record and you’d want to push the needle out of that one groove, to encourage something different to occur.

I do appreciate all of you who have read my posts over the past few years and those of you who have liked and commented and I feel that I have made a few valuable connections.

I don’t know if this is the end of the blog as I am considering its removal and often, with me, consideration can take a bit of time, after all, I’m not the most decisive person, and there are people in my life who can attest to this.

at this point, I just wanted to say thank you for your interactions, comments in the form of either observations or advice and for your friendship.

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4 thoughts on “moving on

  1. I hope you keep blogging but I understand what you’re saying since I have felt the same. To me, some bloggers have become more like friends and you are one of them. Just wanted you to know❤

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  2. why delete the blog? just let it go dormant. if you delete it, all your work would be gone. if dormant, if you feel so inspired in six months or so, or start to feel better, login and go.

    from your writings, you seem to be a pretty isolated person. isolated people tend to stuff their emotions. there is only some much stuffing that can be done before it becomes unhealthy. blogging is one form of getting it out. it’s a release. people need to do that.

    blogging can be cathartic, a cleansing. even writing this post is cathartic in nature. you’ve been thinking/wondering about ending your blog for awhile. simply writing about it offered a cleansing at some level, by it very nature cathartic.

    who cares you write about mainly negative stuff. that’s where you are at. correct me if i’m wrong, you have a mostly unsupportive wife and kids that tend to work against you, not with you. that’s a tall mountain to climb.

    perhaps it comes down to point of view, the glass being half empty versus half full. i remember you writing about your frustration with a major house project being half done. flooring a room if i remember. that would make me frustrated, too. taken from a different perspective, there could elation for the project being half done. that would be hard for me, but it does happen. when it does, i’d feel better about my day.

    as six months have gone by, i would hope that project is completed. write about the celebration of the completion of the project. i here of the starting of many projects in your house. i don’t here about the celebration of the completion. now, it could be none of those projects have come to completion.

    when is the last time you celebrated the completion of a blog post? i know for me my life becomes mundane. the successes, the ones that are most important get overlooked. every heartbeat, every breathe and every step i take is some form of success.

    i can’t remember the last time i celebrated the completion of a blog or chapter. it’s been an okay, that’s done, move onto the next. really, the completion of ever blog, of every chapter is a success. by not celebrating it, i rob myself.

    finally, you mention the get over it type attitude. is that a societal attitude? i notice when i don’t fit into society, i feel shame. Do you feel shame? maybe the shame isn’t your problem but societies problem.

    i can only imagine you felt shame for your blindness at one time or another. that’s because society says you’re suppose to see and you don’t. you’ve adapted and get along quite well thank you, even though you don’t fit in with society.

    i challenge you to be a societal non-conformist. don’t let it be a mark against you if you don’t fit in. Instead, make it a celebration of your uniqueness or what you have overcome

    i have friends in their thirties who have struggled with depression since childhood. i can only imagine they’ve heard that before. when they hear it, do they pop right out of it? i doubt it. it’s just another part of their journey.

    my sister gave me a magnet. it says:

    courage doesn’t always roar,
    sometimes it’s the voice in your head
    that says i’ll try again tomorrow.

    look at the number of times you’ve said, i’ll try again tomorrow. i honor you for that. don’t stop trying.

    don’t stop blogging.

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  3. btw, there was one time my blog went dormant for over six months and another where it was dormant over a year.

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