beaten down

It’s been a while since I posted in the blog, I’ve been busy with a lot of new music and we’ve been getting some things done to the house.

As I may have told you, we’re getting an in ground pool put in which I’m sure will attract more kids to the house, but absolutely not without a parent.

The other day, I took a tumble into the empty pool and that was a pretty hard fall on concrete. They haven’t put the tile in because we have a problem with ground water so we’re trying to stay ahead of that by vacuuming the bottom with a wetvac and we don’t seem to be making a lot of progress. We’ve got new landscaping and a sprinkler system put in and it seems that the kids destroy almost everything she does just after it’s done.

We’re getting new bedroom furniture tomorrow and having all the carpets cleaned today and then we’re getting new shutters put in at some point.

A friend is moving in with us for a month before she leaves to move to California so we have to get the guestroom ready before Saturday as well. Last night, the oldest one apparently ripped the towel bar off the bathroom wall and damaged the bathtub while taking a shower and didn’t tell us about it.

The wife last night said that she just feels beaten down because of all this. I didn’t remind her that she’s the one who had to buy the new furniture because of a significant discount, which they have a couple of times a year, send she had to get the shutters right now because I think those are going to be discontinued. But just because we can afford all this at once, is that a reason to do it all at the same time/

but, if it’s not my idea, she doesn’t like it and I said why don’t we wait to get the furniture later because they’ll have the discount again? And never mind trying to help out in a way that I think is a bit more proactive and not just wait for her to ask me for assistance, that never ends well. It’s almost like I feel like I don’t have a voice of my own really, except through my music, oh and this blog obviously.

And after all these expenses, she still wants to go on a cruise for Christmas. I almost feel like saying “save around $1500 and go on the cruise yourself with the kids and just leave me here”.

It’s like none of these three children have any appreciation or regard for how hard she works for the stuff that we have and how I take care of the kids so she can work to provide the kind of lifestyle they’re all used to. but then she admits that the kids are spoiled and that it’s her fault so how the hell do you undo that shit so they don’t go destroying things etc.?

We try time out which doesn’t work, neither of us like yelling but that seems like the only way to get the attention of the little ones, and the little boy doesn’t answer me when I call him when he’s outside. I may have said it before but being a blind parent really sucks and lately, I just wish that I didn’t have to live with any of these people.

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One thought on “beaten down

  1. I’m so sorry. Sounds like you’re having a tough time. When I get into a rut I make it a point to practice gratitude. I dig down as deep as I have to do I can find one thing to feel good about. Therwise I fall down the rabbit hole of depression. Maybe give it a try. It’s hard to change the way you are feeling but using your thoughts to your advantage can sometimes help. I had days I thought everything was awful and it was hard to find anything to feel good about. The more I practiced the better I got and I feel so much better about everyone and everything in my life. I’m glad you don’t keep it all bottled up. Hang in there.

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