The wife’s mother is down for the week so I’ve been busy with a lot of kitchen related activities, like I probably mentioned whenever I blogged last.
This morning, after we all returned from having breakfast out, the wife decided to try to get the kids registered for a summer program at a place where they were registered last year. She waited until 2 days before she wanted the kids enrolled on the basis that, when she asked the woman at the program a few weeks ago if it would be full during that time, she said “it’s never full”. My question is why would she trust someone in the program to tell her something different?
She never plans anything at all and now that there’s almost nothing available and she’ll be starting a new job she says to me “is it worth $1500 for the summer to put the kids in a program? That’ll cut down on our ability to get a pool or get more windows for the house”.
If I said “I think it’s worth the money, she’d come back and ask “why?” I know she would.
She says, “Okay, let’s have a schedule, you can take them to the park in the morning when it’s not so hot, and during my lunch, I can take them to the pool for an hour”. I wanted to call absolute bullshit on that one because she knows how focused she is when she’s at work and she usually loses track of time anyway. And then she says “I’ll do my part to keep the schedule? I just had to laugh on the inside at the ridiculousness of that crap.
I can’t drive them anywhere and the only place around here to go is the park which they always get bored with pretty quickly. Now, if I could drive there would be a ton of different options and when I say stuff like “I wish I could drive so I could help out more” she says “this is the life we have”.
The other day, I read a post about finding one thing that gives you hope and hanging onto that to get you through the dark times in your life, or something like that and even the things that I used to enjoy aren’t as attractive as they used to be. I’m experimenting more with my music and though I’m coming up with some interesting ideas, playing doesn’t have the therapeutic value that it used to have.
I remember reading a story about a guy who got in the bathtub to cut his wrists and after he had made the first cut, he started thinking about all the things he still wanted to do and I started thinking, what would my list be?
Why is it worth $1500 or whatever the price was for that summer program? Is it for my peace of mind so that I have a break from the kids? well, partly but it’s also for them. I know that they get bored around the house because I can’t really take them anywhere and though being a human slide, bridge and balance beam is fun for all of us, it’s not exactly a program of mental exercise to keep them going in the summer so that they don’t lose everything they’ve learned the year before in school.
I’m just tired of everything, tired of always being counteracted at every turn, being asked why when I don’t agree with something but then when I try to explain some reason why I didn’t do something else, I get told “You don’t have to justify it, it was just a question”, tired of the children not ever listening, tired of having to remind the teenager to do the one chore that his mom assigned because, years ago, when I suggested that he have another chore like sweeping, she said “I’ll just have to do it anyway because he won’t do it right”, and the summer really hasn’t even begun yet.