no time left for anyone

My daughter wanted to make a birthday card for the crossing guard since tomorrow is her birthday. I told the wife that and she said "Oh that’s sweet" and in the same sentence, "You’ll have to remind me later because even though I’m out here making my lunch, my brain is on work".

Needless to say, the card never got made because, after she got the teenager from work, she just had to go to the container store to get more elfa shelving, which won’t be able to be put up for a day or two anyway because of the painting that she’s been doing between working.

My question is the following. Is it really my job to remind her to do stuff with the children or to remind her to look at the kids papers once a week from school. Why the hell should I have to be the one to remind her of anything just because she can’t be bothered to remember details because she’s a "big picture person"?

You know, maybe it is time for me to stand up for myself but I just don’t know how, and though that may sound like a pathetic excuse, it’s really not because I’m just not the assertive type, never have been, it’s just not part of who I am.

She wanted these kids and she wanted the cat but I’m the one cleaning up the shit, feeding all of them almost all the time because she can’t be bothered to even make something as simple as a smoothie which she knows the kids love.

Oh but she can spend hours painting the closet even though it kills her feet? She’s got time for two things, her house and her precious career which pays for the lifestyle that she wants.

She comes home from working with a client on Sundays that she doesn’t like working for and she doesn’t want to hear their drama and she spent afterwards but when the teenager asks her why she’s doing a job she doesn’t like, she says "because she won’t let me quit".

I said "What’s the real reason?" She says "because I’m loyal to a fault which is the same thing as she won’t let me quit".

How many of my followers think that’s crap? She loves to give lip service to taking responsibility but at the same time doesn’t want to own something she says by calling it what it really is, if that all makes sense.

A dear dear friend of mine said ‘You need to get a job since the kids are in School". and "So do I, we need different lives".

I’ve been out of the workforce for so long that I don’t really know what I’d want to do anyway. Some people have said that I should go into sound design or write music for video games and I do okay with my music, hell, it’s even on iTunes and other places like Spotify.

Another friend said to me a few years ago "no one benefits from living with a malcontent" and maybe she’s right but I know that my daughter would be absolutely devastated if I left and it makes me sad when I think of that possibility for her to be honest.

should I receive workmen’s compensation?

The wife and I moved everything out of the closet earlier, well most of it and then she had to go to the bank to get some cash for a patio set she found on craigslist.

while she was gone, the teenager was upstairs doing nothing as usual and when the wife came back, she yelled for him to come downstairs and start demolition on the master bedroom closet. He said "there’s still stuff in there". She said "you could have opened your mouth and said something to Scott, why can’t anybody do anything when I’m not here?" I felt like saying "Because you’d say we did it wrong when you got back" but as usual, I didn’t say anything.

The teenager and I got everything else out of the closet, piled up in a corner and I asked "can I help with demolition?’ She said something about "do you want to do the demolition because you enjoy it or because you want to help?" I said "it doesn’t matter why." She said "if you want to do demolition but don’t enjoy it, there’s other ways you can help." I said "I can help with what is the most efficient way to do so."

I texted a friend of mine to see if she had a sledge hammer but the wife found another hammer so I started helping the teenager demolish shelves, which I really enjoy. I even have an audio recording of it. At one point, I missed and hit myself in the head with the hammer, not very hard but it was enough to draw blood and put me out of commission for the rest of the demolition. see, that rhymed. I haven’t listened to the recording to tell if you can hear the headshot but I’m not feeling dizzy or anything weird and it’s been a couple of hours so I’m most likely okay.

After the demolition was over and the bleeding abated, I carried a bunch of shelves form the closet to outside. A couple of them landed on the grass and the teenager said "you should put the shelves on the driveway because if they’re on the grass, mom won’t be happy. I said "Well, if she doesn’t like the way I’m doing it, she can do it herself."

They’re off to get the patio furniture and I’m trying to not do anything exerting for a bit.

I wonder if I’ll ever have a full 12 month cycle where there isn’t some remodeling going on and we can just enjoy the house? Probably not.

inspirational and beautiful quote

Though there are many aspects of religious affiliation that trouble me, and though I am not convinced of the personal aspect of a relational god as a lot of Christians claim is available to us, I have found beauty and inspiration in the following quotation. It may even be the inspiration for one of my albums.

The stars are God’s fingerprints. The sun is a mere smidgen of his radiance. The moon is to remind us that he doesn’t sleep at night. The vastness of space proclaims the infinity of his wisdom, while the sand pebble indicates his thoroughness with the puniest details. The lion hints at his fearlessness, the bear at his power, the hawk at his keen insight. And yet, those possess only a tidbit of God’s omnipotence and omnipresence. Every tree points toward heaven; every bird has a song to sing; even every moment of wind goes in some direction. There is nothing chaotic about our beautiful designed world. All creation has a message to tell. It says, "Listen, there is a God. There is a God!" ~Brent D. Earles

it’s a teenage wasteland inside of his head

We got a letter from the school yesterday that said that the teenager has been missing school.

When we asked him about it, or I should say when his mom asked him about it, he said something about taking off after some classes at the tech center with a friend and just skipping out. apparently this friend skips school and does drugs like pot and that sort of thing.

We took his truck away so now he has to take the bus to school and I asked the wife what time is the bus supposed to be here in the afternoon? She said "I don’t even care at this point". My thought is that if I don’t know when the bus comes to drop him off and don’t know what time he should be home, he could just take off with a friend after school and not come home on the bus and I won’t know it. It’s not like the bus pulls up to the house so I couldn’t hear it anyway.

We try to invest a little bit in his future by giving him a truck and this is the result of that investment, skipping school which apparently has been happening since August but we’re just now getting a letter from the school?

Maybe that’s the problem, she’s given him so much and when I try to lay down the law so-to-speak and say things like I’m taking the phone and she says that won’t work, this is the result of all those actions.

So now she has to drive him to work so he’ll still have to pay for the truck and also pay her for gas even though he’s not using the truck. he still has an obligation to pay his share like they agreed upon.

This is all new territory for me so if any of you guys who have teenagers have any words of wisdom regarding anything, I’d appreciate the information.

I told him that he doesn’t deserve to have his girlfriend to fly in for his birthday if he’s going to be like that and he just said "I know" or "right" or some stupid shit but I got the feeling that it was just more of an automatic verbal response rather than an acknowledgement that he messed up and has to take responsibility for it.

The wife doesn’t want to discourage him from looking into college but at the same time, if he’s missed 17 days of school, which is what the letter says apparently, then he may not graduate anyway.

making wishes

my daughter came up to me this morning and said "I’m a princess with wings and a crown and I will grant you three wishes".

I said "My first wish is that you would listen".

She said "I can’t grant you that wish because I already know how to listen".

I said "My second wish is that you wouldn’t be mean to your brother".

She said "I don’t have a brother"

I said my third wish is that you wouldn’t be mean to the cat".

She said "I don’t have a cat either, I only have a family".

I asked "who’s in your family"?

She said "Only a mom and a dad but my real mom and dad died".

And then she ran off to play with bubbles.