if timing is everything, I am but a giant void

I hope all of you had a merry and joyous Christmas.

If you’d like some different Christmas entertainment as background to wind down your festivities, you could tune into http://stillstream/ where I am broadcasting my Christmas special until midnight central time.

The day started out alright, the kids had presents to unwrap and I was in charge of security sabotage and that sort of thing.

Since the wife is still on her knee scooter, the teenager and I, with the help of her dad at the end, who was fucking pissy because we were in the kitchen and not him doing things the way he likes, but he actually helped at the end.

I thought it would be a good idea to start prepping stuff a bit early so I rinsed, cut and cooked the potatoes for mashing.

as I was straining the potatoes, the wife came in and said "the ham is going to take two hours to cook and if those potatoes aren’t in water, they’re just going to get all mushy. Just leave them there and I’ll figure out what to do with them" This was immediately after she said "this is a total disaster" after the teenager and I had worked on getting the sweet potato casserole and the green bean casserole finished.

My daughter helped me pick out the green beans from the various cans in the pantry and like I always do, I thanked for being such a great helper.

after the wife said that stupid shit about the potatoes, I just walked away and fought very hard the attempt to tell her to fucking go to hell and fling a glass across the room in her general direction, hoping like hell there wouldn’t be an innocent casualty, meaning one of the three kids.

after all that, the little boy and I were in the kitchen while her dad was doing some cooking and I picked him up and just turned him upside down like it likes. the wife says "That’s a really bad idea to play with him in the kitchen while dad’s in there, it’s just going to piss him off and he’s going to leave".

I thought to myself "fuck this shit, I’m sick and tired of fucking walking on god damned eggshells around this stupid place because someone will either get pissed off.

My timing always sucks, I cook the potatoes too soon, I go to give her a hug "ten seconds before she has to be on the phone" etc.

Is it possible for a person’s timing to be off 1005 of the time or is this all her?

I really wish I had somewhere I could escape to for a couple of weeks just to give myself some space, have some quietude to ponder my life and let them know what it’s like to not have a continual unappreciated overused support system.

I apologize for such a bitter post on what, for a lot of people is a festive day but I figured, if anyone would understand all this, it would be you guys, the people I consider to be my friends in a world where I seem to feel emptier and emptier as every 24 cycle passes and merges into the next one.

Thank you for reading, for your comments and for your friendships.


3 thoughts on “if timing is everything, I am but a giant void

  1. hate to say it, but see is toxic to you. that’s not good for you.


  2. Love your music. Thank you so much for sharing your music!!! Is inspirational.


    • Thank you. Some of my albums are now on itunes, ‘could it be that we have forgotten how to love”, Dreaming of the Supermoon” and “a Halo of Dark Icy Worlds” to be exact with more on the way to a lot of the digital stores as well as bandcamp.

      Thanks for listening.


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