the saddest thing

The little girl came downstairs and said "Daddy, I made up a Christmas song, do you want to hear it?" I said "yes, after you take off your diaper." She said okay, did what I asked and sang me the song.

After she was done, I told her what a cute song it was and that, if her mom isn’t on the phone, she should go sing it to her.

She said "But what if she tells me to go away or get out of here?"

I think that’s one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard her say. How do you respond to an unfortunate truth with something that will help make her feel better without saying something that is untrue? No 5-year-old should have to ask a question like that and, sure, I know there are a lot of kids who have it way worse and saying that is a way to marginalize the situation and I really should know better and that’s not something I would ever say to her, it’s just the inner dialog that going on as I’m writing.

I don’t know, it just made me sad, that’s all.

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2 thoughts on “the saddest thing

  1. Aww that is sad the she already recognizes how the “mother” is. I want to give her a huge hug. God love her little heart!

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  2. I fell for you and especially your daughter. a primal desire for every human is to fit in, to belong. the parent have the opportunity to preach that message for the start, when a child skins their knee, the parent reminds them they are their for them. when a child brings home an f, the parent reminds them they are still loved. when the child loses their first love, the parent reminds of the love they have for them. all of these acts are acts of belonging

    without those acts, and I speak from personal experience, it is much easier to be an emotional cripple. the overriding fear becomes if I do this or I don’t do that i won’t belong. that fear of not belonging, peer pressure for example, will cause people to do actions that go against who they are. and even they do what they think is right, they fear others will see that as wrong. these is a bad things.

    in you case, not only are you experiencing a mother who doesn’t preach you belong, she is preaching that you are a bother,that i don’t have time for you, that you do not belong, even to me, your mom. that’s sad.

    what can you do? try to change mom. i don’t really think the time to do that. still, continue to be a loving parent. when she skins, let her know that you are there for her. when she brings home an f, let her know that she is still loved. when she loses her first boyfriend, remind her that you still love her. catch her doing something right and heap praise on her. let her know that no matter what happens out there, she belongs to your tribe. and in that belonging, she will be more confident in who she is. and that is a good thing.

    Liked by 1 person

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