when there are always second chances, there are no consequences

we have an arrangement with the teenager. He picks up the downstairs and his game room so that the cleaning lady can vacuum and mop the floors without having to pick up a bunch of shit. I reminded him last night, casually, that the cleaning lady was coming tomorrow and that he had to clean up down here. He said "she should do it, that’s what she’s getting paid for. I relayed this to the wife last night and she said "I hope he was joking". It’s so hard for me to tell and I told her that.

This morning, the wife came out and says "He didn’t clean up down here, what did he say to you?" I said "he didn’t say anything. I’ll just tell the cleaning lady to not clean his…" "No, I’m calling him", she said, interrupting my sentence. I stormed off into the bedroom to gather some laundry to do and when I came out she said "I told him that he’s got to be up by ten or you’ll scream at him". She was out the door on the way to work and I sarcastically said "oh, that’ll work." she said "what?" and I said "Screaming at him". She said "You can".

Now for those of you who won’t interrupt me, here was my idea for consequences for being a lazy person who takes no responsibility for anything, not even being the squeaky wheel to ask for more hours at work so he can have a little more spending money.

I tell the cleaning lady not to clean his game room, bedroom or the bathroom but to do the kids rooms.

He doesn’t go to his larping or hang out with his stupid friend and instead spends Saturday cleaning said areas.

I have noticed that all these problems have been happening since he’s been hanging out with a friend who is a bit older but that’s just my hypothesis.

You might wonder "why don’t the kids clean up after themselves" and if you have that question it’s a good one.

A friend of ours asked my wife why she didn’t ever have the kids put back toys before getting more out and she said "it’s too stressful".

I really do feel a lot of times like I’m totally alone in the parenting thing and sure, I can ask them to pick up toys and the like which I should probably do but at what point do you say this is supposed to be a team effort and then at what point are things so far beyond that idea where it feels like there’s not a lot of hope left to salvage that team?

I don’t have any of these answers and this morning I felt very close to telling her that I’m done with this shit.

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6 thoughts on “when there are always second chances, there are no consequences

  1. I can not BELIEVE her! No consequences for his non-actions?! Shit just tell the cleaning lady to do the kids rooms. And if the wife has anything to say about it, tell her that since she isn’t an active parent and you do everything, then you’ll do it your way. And if there’s a problem, there’s the door. That shit pisses me the fuck off!
    I’m babysitting a wee one today and I’m in love!!

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  2. SD Gates says:

    Problem is, from my perspective, the teenager knows you don’t have any back-up. I would be completely psychotic if my teenagers acted this way, but they know when I get mad there are no empty threats (unlike my husband, who always feels bad and backs down). I follow through, and once I am pissed I stay pissed for a loooong time. This so sucks for you, being in this kind of position!!!!!!!!

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    • like today she asked the little girl to put her clothes in the laundry and she wouldn’t do it and after a coupe more times of this, the wife just said “It’s not worth it”. She says “You have to pick your battles”.

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      • SD Gates says:

        Mom – 0, Little Girl – 1. Yeah, but the more battles they win, the more they are willing to fight the battles to the bitter end.

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      • you mean the more battles the children win the more they’ll fight with her or is it the more she starts to win, the more she’ll have the willingness to go rounds with the kids?

        The wife has been working all weekend on the house except for a short trip out to the ice cream store last night and on Friday when she went to pick up the kids from school, she went to subway and had to bring them both in with her. I didn’t think to offer to go so I could stay in the car while she ran in and I don’t feel that I should have to bail her out of tough situations where she and the kids need to learn to deal with those sorts of situations.

        She came home in a really bad mood as she usually does when she takes both of the kids somewhere but if she had done that more form the beginning, she wouldn’t have so many problems now am I right?

        Liked by 1 person

      • SD Gates says:

        You are absolutely right. The more they go out with her, the more easier things will become. I used to go on major road trips with my boys – those are some of their favorite memories. It wasn’t all fun, several times I drove in to a church parking lot and threatened to leave them with the church people because I couldn’t stand their behavior. But we made it through.

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