it’s pointless, totally inconsequential

it’s a long long day with the kids already. they were up at 6:12 this morning and we had a little fun later in the morning when they wanted me to tickle them with a puppet on the couch and then while they were bouncing in the trampoline we have in the family room.

The little girl has been asking all morning "is it lunch time yet" because she wants m&m’s that her mom has in her office.

I asked the teenager to go to the grocery store yesterday and he said "after I get back from the park with my friends". I asked ‘what time will that be" and he said "I don’t know."

I relayed this little encounter to the wife who said "it’s not like we needed anything right away and as long as he goes tonight, it doesn’t matter to me." In my mind I thought "It’s the principle of doing what’s required first and then playing" but why bother even saying that.

No one in this house ever listens to a single word I say and at this very moment, I just feel that it’s all pointless and why should I even bother with any of it?

I apologized to the teenager last night for yelling at him after he got back from the store because, even though I know there’s an important principle to try to at least instill, even if I really am going it alone in so many respects, reacting that way may have been the result of being frustrated with so many other things other than him wanting to go off with his friends before a small grocery errand that wouldn’t have taken too much time to begin with.

He said something about "it’s okay, I got back at you in my own way" and I really don’t know what that’s supposed to mean.

The wife says that she wants to start cooking again and she says that it’s complicated because we all like different things.

Sure I’m a vegetarian and she says that a lot of the recipes she found are casseroles, that’s the only way she can think of to get the kids to eat anything nutritious but I’d bet you that a lot of the ingredients in those casseroles are canned or processed foods like Velvita which is all crap anyway and that’s why I don’t like it.

When I was a kid, one of my friends asked me if it was annoying to my mom that I was a vegetarian and I said no because I would just eat everything except the meat.

My mom cooked whole meals though, meat, potatoes or rice and vegetables and even now, after 11 years of marriage, when I ask the wife what is in a lot of the dishes that she’s thinking of making, she just says "they all have meat in them so you won’t eat them". She always forgets that you can modify or just leave the meat out of a dish, or even do a smaller portion in a separate casserole dish.

See how I always feel that almost nothing in my life is a winnable situation for me, no matter what options I try to present to overcome problems that she thinks are insurmountable? Oh but I should just eat good and exercise and I’ll feel better about myself. sure, that’s part of the equation but it’s not nearly the most important part and no one seems to see that except me, and you guys, the readers of this blog.

So thanks again for reading and commenting if you’d like. I really do appreciate all of you, though I don’t say it a whole lot.

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4 thoughts on “it’s pointless, totally inconsequential

  1. myambivalentexistence says:

    Talk to her about this. Talk to a counselor. Take her to marriage counseling. You are building up major resentment and you are just going to keep taking all of this shit until you explode and either leave or harm yourself. Everybody will say “he was the quiet one , we never knew he was unhappy, we never saw it coming” I see it coming. There is only so much one human being can take. Relationships should be give and take …… It seems like you are doing a lot of the giving.

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    • Thank you for the advice. I was in counseling a long time ago after the little girl was born. I was the one with the postpartum depression, not the most common thing but it does happen to men which I’m sure you may have encountered.

      She’s the type who has a counter argument for everything even though multiple people have told me that I am getting the short end of the stick. She doesn’t do well with feelings and if it would help, I can give you some examples.

      I think having this blog helps a little because it at least gives me validation that things aren’t as balanced as they might be, if that all makes sense.

      When the teenager has complained about having to do chores or even when I’ve said a thing or two about something or other, she has said from time to time “Oh you have such a rough life” and though she says that she’s joking, I have often heard that joking about something is a way to bring up what you’re really feeling about something without getting too serious or feeling too vulnerable about it. I don’t know if that’s accurate but I remember someone saying a similar idea years ago.

      Liked by 1 person

      • myambivalentexistence says:

        I completely agree that joking is a passive aggressive way to bring up feelings and it sounds like that is what she is doing. Unfortunately (and this is difficult, I’m just learning myself) you have to be ok with confrontation if it means getting what you need out of life. She will walk all over you until you tell her no. Tell her what you need and what you expect and then do it. If she has a problem with it , then it is her problem. She will think you are being a horrible person, but when you stick to it she will start to change (and hopefully seek therapy of her own). It sucks. I’ve been (and somewhat am still) in your position. I was the passive stay at home parent, co parenting with someone who micromanaged everything but did not participate. In fact it seemed he did everything he could to avoid participating. After the birth of our third , which he wanted, he was still absent. I lost sixty pounds and thought about suicide constantly. I was honest with my primary care. She referred me to a psychologist. I went. It took six months of therapy for me to accept medication. Hunny was against everything every step of the way. Finally I had to be like “there are boundaries, this is what I need and I expect it” , he still fought every change. But now (two years in) he is starting to change and be involved and seek therapy for his own issues. She will step all over your boundaries when you set them. But keep setting them and keep doing what you need to for you. It is a long road , but I was starting with a fifteen year marriage and three kids. I would have rather killed myself than leave. It sounds like you are in a long term relationship that you are willing to work on.

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      • your story sounds a little like mine. She wanted the little boy even after I said that I didn’t want another child after all that happened after the little girl was born. I remember her words, she was like “Are you going to be in a funk the whole time I’m pregnant?” There’s a lot more to the story and it’s a long one so I’m sure it’ll be a topic for the blog at some point.

        We’ve been married for a little over 11 years.

        Liked by 1 person

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