sustained chaos

wow, that would make a good title for a dark ambient album, maybe I’ll use that.

I wrote this post up a few minutes ago and hit the wrong button so the draft didn’t save so I hope I can recapture my ideas again.

The wife’s mom is here and she and the little girl are making cupcakes together, actually the icing and doing the sprinkles.

Even when the wife isn’t working she’s fixing up the house, repainting and that sort of thing so there are paint brushes in the sink, a ladder where "I" not anyone else, take the little boy to the bathroom so we have to go to ours which is further away and in an emergency that could be a problem.

I get that things need to be done but it’s always something and has been since we moved in here three years ago.

a friend of mine once said "wouldn’t it be nice to just live in your house?" It’s a nice thought and if it sounds like I’m complaining, that’s not necessarily the case, more stating that I feel like I’m always in chaos to one degree or another.

This morning the trash was so full that the children couldn’t even throw away their diapers or I couldn’t empty the coffee grounds into the trash. I intended to take the full bag out, tie it off and just leave it by the trashcan as a friend suggested but when I went to tie it off, it was so full that it started to split a little and I know that the weight of all that trash would have made the bag collapse had I just set it on the floor. I had to take it out which I suppose isn’t a big deal but it’s the principle.

This dude doesn’t have any awareness at all of his surroundings and I thought that this phenomenon, even though not all synapses are firing because of the teenage years, was still a necessary attribute for the evolutionary process to continue.

I told the wife that we should take away his tablet so that way he’s just not lying in bed in the morning watching YouTube videos or when I ask him to do something, he doesn’t just sit there and watch a video.

She said "he was lazy before YouTube came along" and "if it wasn’t that, it would be something else".

But when I suggest a minor consequence for not paying attention to things or being lazy and not doing what he’s supposed to do, when she says things like "if it wasn’t that, it would be something else", it makes me feel like my suggestions are being marginalized at best.

I’m not complaining really but I feel like I’m always living in some sort of chaos and it would be nice to experience a bit of life without that component if possible.

even she says that if he’s not aware of his environment and doesn’t pay attention to anything he’s not going to make it far in life


3 thoughts on “sustained chaos

  1. myambivalentexistence says:

    I’m a recent follower of your blog , so sorry if Im not aware of the backstory :(. Do you and your wife attend marriage counseling together ?


  2. Anxious Mom says:

    Your wife’s refusal to set any kind of limits with the teenager or punish him in any way is just mind boggling to me. I’ll take Little Man’s tablet and Xbox controllers (rendering the system and TV useless) in a skinny minute, and that’s usually enough for a 7-year-old whose screen time is limited anyway to get his butt in gear…for a teenager who has unlimited access, I imagine that’d get his butt in gear even faster.

    Your wife sounds kinda OCD about that house!


    • I agree totally. what she fails to acknowledge or maybe doesn’t want to realize is that the kids will grow up before she knows it but work and the house, barring some sort of unforeseen disaster will always be there. “There’s always work” as someone once so intelligently said.

      Liked by 1 person

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