follow up to the earlier blog post

Here’s the latest on the situation that had me pissed off earlier.

My friend and I were planning to get together this morning after she dropped her kids off at school and I told her that I could hang out with her for a couple of hours but that I had a follow up neurology appointment to go with for the little girl.

She asked me if the wife could just pick me up on the way so she doesn’t have to make two trips.

I didn’t think it was a big deal since she lives literally 5 minutes away so I asked the wife if she could come pick me up on the way to the appointment or (and here’s the out) is it not on the way?

She said that it’s not on the way and I said okay.

Then she said "You don’t have to go since it’s just a follow up, I’m used to doing all these things solo anyway."

I said "the reason you do a lot of those appointments solo is because it’s a pain to take both kids, something she says all the time.

She didn’t say anything and went back into her office, I don’t know if she just ignored the comment or didn’t hear me. I am sometimes a low talker anyway.

A little while later, she came out on her way to get another cup of coffee and said "when you asked me to pick you up, that really pissed me off. You know that I’ll have to deal with the little girls cranky ass and that I have to work and it just seemed selfish of you to ask me to do that."

I said "that wasn’t my intention".

So am I wrong and selfish for making such a request or no? if no, is she overreacting?

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One thought on “follow up to the earlier blog post

  1. Yeah, it just wasn’t a good morning for meeting a friend if you had an appointment later in the morning with your daughter. If you had to ask for help to work it out, cancelling would have been better. Say, til the next morning when there were no other errands. Sometimes, things just work out and some morning s are better than others. The wife at least didn’t FLIP OUT> she kinda told you like robotically, the way she’s been trained in therapy, to state her feelings and then went back into her office. That’s pretty funny, but at least she’s trying too. And she told you how she feels. She didn’t say yes or no or change the plans. She just stated how she feels. Picking you up was probably not a big deal, but she was hoping to just not be doing ANY OF IT, and just keep working … I think she was just telling you that. Understanding our roles in the relationship is the toughest tipping point. If plans and arrangements are made, try to stick to them, so she can create a schedule she doesn’t have to flake out on and feel like an idiot because you change your mind about stuff. She may be actually be quite committed to her work, but you are not feeling like much of a rock (to her, for her, to feel like she can focus). That’s all. That’s her reality. Yours is feeling helpless and useless and wrong all the time and UNHEAR. A couple of skill sets that empower you to parent (easily and stress-free) should perk you RIGHT UP !!!

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